Up until 4 days ago this blog was going to have a very different tone as I have just experienced a very challenging few days. As an entrepreneur this is going to happen – as it often feels like the ship is always one wave away from tipping over – I’m told it gets better! There are low moments that happen and you start to think about going back to a job or selling your house (in the late late wee hours of the night) or giving up completely.
The most amazing thing though, is that these moments are very short lived, and then you remember you are living your HAPPY and making progress everyday. Once you remember that, you once again, feel proud of everything you have accomplished – and everything you PLAN to accomplish. And, you are also proud that you are taking a different path – a path that has no roadmap and can’t be found on any GPS. It is a path that is all your own, without you, it would not exist. You are in control of your own thoughts and future endeavours. This is when that uninhibited ambitious spirit takes hold and drives you forward.
What set me off this week is my struggle for cash, and let me tell you, the struggle is real. And, it isn’t that I’m not making ends meet, because I’m doing well, and have amazing clients, who allow me to live my dream, but the DIFFERENCE between knowing 100% that month after month a pay cheque would roll in – no matter what your contribution at work was – AND now, day to day, having to build my worth, my reputation and being paid for output rather than time served is a whole other ball game. The fact that clients come and go and the rules of the game can change at any point presents moments of exhilaration and defeat.
For the first 4 months of this adventure I didn’t alter my spending habits in the least. After years of picking up whatever I wanted, when I wanted it – that habit was hard to break. I was a little bit in denial that the steady pay cheques would stop coming and somehow magically money would fill up my bank account. Those money fairies never quite found me! After 4 months I realized that things have changed and my spending habits were going to have to adjust. The reality is starting a business is always more expensive than you thought it would be. There are things that you need to pay for that you didn’t even think about like software, video services, marketing material, courses and lawyers to name a few – those expenses eat into your plan. I was lost in the seeming weight of it all.
And then, the MAGIC happened.
I realized that I have everything I need AND the means to buy what I needed to keep going. And the best part of all – I was living my happy, which no one can put a price tag on. The second best realization is that, as a writer, I have nothing but possibility a head of me. Writers can always keep creating and building and I don’t have to ask permission, or seek approval from a boss, to do so. I see it, I want to partake, I do it. I am the boss.
Living my happiness came when I realized that everyday I was CREATING. Everything I write or design was something that didn’t exist the day before, and suddenly it was being consumed in the world. This feeling is so powerful it gives me shivers.
Then my day got even better – I was once again paid for writing. It was exactly what I needed to remind myself that the struggles are all worth it. I earned that pay cheque by doing something that I LOVED. As a creative person, having the freedom to express without any restrictions, or codes to follow, is just about as perfect as it gets. The darkness lifted and I found my happy, once again.
Until next time – dream, experience and love your life.
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